Shout out to Social Workers

Today I was lucky enough to go speak to a class full of future social workers at Grand Valley State University about homelessness. I was pretty pumped about the opportunity from the get go. While I get a tiny bit nervous I love public speaking especially when it is something I am passionate about. Seeing my name next to the words “Guest Speaker” was a pretty cool sight… something I could get used to.

I got there a little early and ran through what I was thinking of talking about before going into the classroom. To be honest I stuck to my notes only a little bit before just going on about the experiences of the summer that might have had some relevance to the class. I will not lie I got caught up in a few moments sharing about some of the guys I got to know and passionately stuttered a few times. I tried my best to express the love I think we’re capable of feeling towards people who are the most down and out. I only hope I was able to communicate a little of what I feel.

I talked a while and took more than the allotted time I was given but was graciously given more time before coming to a close and getting to ask if anyone had any questions. I’ve never asked if anyone had any questions after a presentation and had anybody actually have questions so immediately after asking I started saying “and if you don’t have any ques…” when a few hands went up.

It was kinda cool. I saw they actually cared. They were more than just entertained.

One of the last questions I was asked was what my major in College was (FYI it was Athletic Training 3yrs but graduated with psychology) and if I was currently searching higher education (which I am not… at least not in a traditional manner). I felt like a bum (no pun intended… kinda). I realized I was talking to a group of people with a more dedicated and written out plan than I have. They are preparing themselves to care for people and make it their whole entire life. Something I want to do but I guess I want to do in a similar yet different way.

From that comes my shout out to social workers. The ones in the room today. The ones I’ve worked with before. The ones I will work with and the ones I will never know.

Thank you.

Thank you for going to school extra so you can care about people others have not cared about. Thanks for not complaining about it and putting in hard work on a daily basis. Thank you for showing me how to better love kids, adults, orphans, alcoholics, addicts, the abused and the abusers. Thank you for being enthusiastic in the classroom and in the real world. Thank you for being creative and loving and not losing the heart of what you do. Thank you for taking care of your co-workers when work gets tough. Thank you for putting up with the low pay and high stress. Thanks for not giving up and not giving in to what the world says would be smart/safe to do. Thank you for touching the lonely souls and listening to those who haven’t had anyone to talk to. Thank you for humbly walking in and doing some of the most important work I can think of.

I could go on and on but I just wanted to say if you are a social worker I respect, thank, and look up to you.

Keep it up. Remember you are doing amazing things, in practice and in preparation, every day.

Man in the mirror.

For if you just listen and don’t obey it is like looking at your face in a mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you keep looking steadily into God’s perfect law- the law that sets you free- and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it – James 1:23-25

Last night I was sitting and talking with my mom and my sister in law discussing my future. It’s probably my least favorite topic to talk about since I often have difficulty expressing what I want to do to those who care about me. I can tell I am cared for. I can tell they want safety and security for me and, as much as I trust in that for myself, it’s something that I can’t guarantee in the way it normally could be.

As we talked it became obvious that, while I’m sure of where I want my life to go, I have no idea what that’s going to look like or how it’s going to happen.

That’s when my sister in law asked me the question I dread more than any other.

“Where do you feel God is calling you”.

I answered but it wasn’t too sincere. Sorry Nicole… I gave you an answer for the sake of having one.

But I remain in the belief that I, like most people, am not called into a specific job or position in ministry. I guess the occasional pastor or doctor comes along who heard at a certain age that he needs to speak or do surgeries. I’ve heard of stuff like that and I understand it. It would be great. It would solve a lot of my problems. I’ve prayed that it happen to me and I have gotten a response that has just been much more general that what I desired.

The response seems to be to live out for God like James 1 describes. To live with faith that looks for growth and development through the hard times. To have life that strives for wisdom and expects to find it. To be a person who sees that no matter where life goes, poor or rich, I should be glad and content knowing that everything will fade away into the perfection of eternity. I think I’m called to be patient until that eternity comes and in that patience apply the unarguable aspects of Christianity to my life and relationships.

I think in doing this, applying this to my life, my calling is as different as my morning routine of looking in the mirror. One day I wake up and my hair is matted down to one side and the next day to the other side. Another day I have a blemish on my face and yet another day something in my teeth. Just as I look in the mirror and see I don’t like my pride, my desire for things over people, my anger and my hypocrisy I look around the world and see things that I don’t like. I don’t like seeing kids being abused and neglected by their parents only to grow up and be labeled as outcasts of society. I don’t like seeing girls treated as possessions and trophies that are expendable. I don’t like seeing homeless people looked down on for problems they have which the people judging them and treating them terribly are blessed to not have to understand. I don’t like seeing people living intermittently in each others life in a damaging way when I’ve seen how well living how we are intended to with each other can actually work.

I don’t like all these things so much that it is worth a long look in the mirror every day.

So I believe it’s my calling to live, grow and act in the same way as the man that looks in the mirror and fixes his blemishes. I believe it’s what we should all be doing.  I think pursuing this calling in general, rather than one thing specifically, is what has caused me put emphasis on the parts of my life that allow me to work with and fight for abused kids and the homeless. I think it’ll change often as I return to the mirror and look for my blemishes as well as how I see the world moving in front of me with problems arising.

Regardless of the specifics I know that we’re called not to walk away forgetting what we look like. We’re called to see the problems, fix them, and practice a life that continues to return to the mirror for that purpose.

Don’t worry about tomorrow. Today is tough enough.

Right now I’m allowing myself to write in a moment where I would generally stop myself, wait a day to gather my thoughts, and put something together later. But I thought about it and I figured I would let myself just write today at 1:24am. I’m writing to get out everything that is going on but also to let you in on what it’s like to try to pour yourself wholly into others. The emphasis of the past sentence is on the “to try” part because, although trying, that’s all it is. An effort. Definitely not an accomplishment. So here is what the effort has been the last week.

I have started working at the rescue mission which has been extremely stressful for me so far. I trust it will get better but I can’t seem to do anything right in the eyes of my bosses or coworkers. Just generally a defeating atmosphere so far. Then I started my position as an assistant varsity lacrosse coach. I’m very excited for this but the head coach being gone for business in the first week of tryouts has pushed me past comfort zone and, while allowing me to grow and learn on the fly, has also stressed me out. On top of that I’m leaving for Florida saturday to take a group of Fraternity men from Hope on a mission trip. I ordered tank tops for the guys which I meant to fundraise for (I even have donors lined up) but the charity we are going through never got me the info I was waiting for so people could give money online. I’m sure it’ll be fine but it’s just another stress with $400 coming out of my pocket right now.

I have also been meeting weekly with a kid to read through Blue Like Jazz. While normally a release I felt that this week it stressed me out and I didn’t do anything good for the kid. Then I have Young Life, am trying to work on writing (which I have cut out more than anything) and work out a bit to try to keep in shape (firm believer of a healthy body leads to a healthy mind).

Those are things that appear regularly on my daily to do list. Then there are things I have to “follow up” on: the Church’s that have opportunities to speak, the friend that wants me to talk in their grad school class, the organization in Denver that wants to talk over the phone with me about homeless outreach, the church that wants me to help them structure a mentoring program for a homeless group, the youth group that asked me to help lead, the books that every other person tells me I “have to” read, the schools that might want to have me talk, the people who are interested in helping me write/pursue publishing something. It seems like every time I start to follow up on one of these things I get no where and am told to do or pursue one or two more things. I have to say no eventually and feel like I’m failing someone.

Oh ya, then I have my regular job on top of this stuff.

Awesome.

Then I am told, which I know is true, that I’m supposed to find community in all this. That I need it to “recharge”. So last sunday I went to Church with the intent to try to find a group to plug into because I have repeatedly felt the absence of community in my own life. Don’t get me wrong. I have plenty of friends I guess. I just don’t really fit in anywhere right now. It sounds like a cop out but hear me out. The fact is I don’t really fit in anywhere. There is not much room for a single, homeless loving, flat brim hat wearing, lax bro, runner, college grad, vocally introverted socially extroverted, non indie, rap listening Christian in any one group. I fit in part everywhere and nowhere. I’m sure a lot of people struggle with this though… So I fit in with all of you.

It’s who I am I guess and I like who I am. It’s just hard to work with sometimes but I know I need to still work on it.

Needless to say tonight I was a little burnt out and ready to head to bed a couple hours ago. That’s when a homeless 19 year old called me. One I had been working with earlier this week. Telling him what he needed to do to get a job and how to make efforts to stay in the rescue mission. He promptly did none of this stuff.

I told him I’d still be by his side.

So he called me at 12:30… right as I laid into bed, for me to come be by his side. I did not want to get up but I did. I texted a friend, as I usually do in situations like this, the kids name in case anything bad happened to me. I don’t know why this makes me feel safer but it does. It reminds me of what I’m doing but also that the risk is worth it.

I went out annoyed but picked him up and greeted him kindly so he could warm up in my car for a bit. I told him I couldn’t take him home since I hadn’t discussed it with my roommates. He understood. Then I drove him around town. I talked to him about how I had spent 6 weeks homeless in Denver as I started pointing out spots I would say were safe to sleep and telling him why (cover, cops don’t go here, not a lot of foot traffic etc.). I told him this is why we work to stay in the mission, to get a good job, and to find a place to stay. Finally I dropped him off at a friends house where he would be able to stay at some point in the night.

I left not sure as if what I did in terms of a life lesson about homelessness, in the form of a dose of tough love, was right. But I knew nothing else to do at the time. I prayed that I might learn from this experience and prayed that this kid knew he was loved through someone coming to get him and drive around a bit at 1am.

I was awake when I felt like sleeping but now I am about to head to bed again. I will still make it through. I will still pursue community for myself and others, giving along with receiving, making the best of situations but most of all looking forward to and being blessed by my daily bread. Sometimes we just have to be in so far over our head to remember that it is promised that our daily bread alone is all we need.

Don’t worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.